Smoking is Bad for You
by Imalefty
Summary: Yes, it does sound like a Saito based fic, but it's not. Kenshin and some others Hiko, Kaoru, Sano and random kids are in it too. And I authoress is also in it....


Disclaimer: Don't own RK. (Man, I hate writing these...)  
  
Smoking is Bad for You  
  
SAITO: Hello all of you ignorant people out there...erm... I mean, hello, kids. I'm here I'm... erm... Officer Fujita Goro and I'm here to tell you why smoking is bad for you.  
  
KIDS: -_- Okay...  
  
SAITO: And this is my...uh... arch nemesis, Himura Battousai, or the manslayer who killed many people during the Revolution. (Grins evilly) He's here to help me kill... er TEACH you about the dangers of smoking.  
  
KIDS: ((O_O))  
  
KENSHIN: Saito! Er... I mean GORO! Don't scare the little kiddies! Now, re- introduce me as Himura Kenshin.  
  
SAITO: * Grumble * Fine. This is HIMURA KENSHIN, also known as the oro-ing geek who can't do much fighting because he's too busy spouting ideals.  
  
KENSHIN: Oro? Okay, fine. Now, kids, does anyone know anything about smoking?  
  
KIDS: It's bad for you!  
  
SAITO: Well no ****!  
  
KENSHIN: GORO! This is rated PG! You really shouldn't swear in a PG rated fic!  
  
IMALEFTY: Which is why I bleeped him out! ^_^  
  
KENSHIN: Thank you.  
  
KIDS: ((O_O)) The ceiling is talking to us!  
  
IMALEFTY: No, this is the kind authoress speaking. Anyway, please do continue.  
  
SAITO: Right. I'll get you sometime for that, Imalefty. Go and bleep me out. Pfft!  
  
KENSHIN: Anyway... let's begin with the obvious. Smoking causes cancer! Am I correct?  
  
SAITO: Hey, how do we know about cancer anyway?  
  
KENSHIN: Well, I don't know, but we do. Goro, you really have to stop interrupting me! I'm passing on an important message to the children! The future of our country, no our world! We must supply them with KNOWLEDGE!  
  
SAITO: Who really cares about the **** children.  
  
KENSHIN: Stop swearing, Goro.  
  
KIDS: ((O_O)) They're scary.  
  
KENSHIN: Ahh... ha ha... eeeenyway... let's begin with cancer! Can anyone tell me about cancer? Anyone?  
  
SAITO: * smirking * They don't know anything, Battousai. It looks like you'll have to teach them everything.  
  
KAORU: * pops up out of nowhere * AAAAAAHHHHHH! * swings bokken at Saito's head *  
  
SAITO: Where the **** did you come from?!  
  
KENSHIN: Stop swearing!  
  
KAORU: Stop smirking at my poor Kenshin! It's not nice! I'm going to knock your head off!  
  
KENSHIN: STOP!  
  
KIDS: Where did she come from?  
  
IMALEFTY: I already said that she came from nowhere, nitwits! Hurry up with the lesson, Kenshin.  
  
KENSHIN: ^_^; Yes Imalefty-dono.  
  
IMALEFTY: That sounds stupid. Just call me Imalefty, thanks. On with the story!  
  
KAORU: * chases Saito out the classroom door * Get back here you!!!!!!!!  
  
KENSHIN: Uh... okay, let's see. Cancer can kill you. It's a very-------  
  
SAITO: Get away from me!  
  
KAORU: Get back here!  
  
KENSHIN: Maybe we should change this to: Smirking is Bad for You. In his case, it is. Yes, let's change it.  
  
SAITO: Smirking is fun. It ticks people off! * Gatotsus at Kaoru *  
  
KENSHIN: Oh my good golly gosh! With lightning fast Hiten Mitserugi Style speed I will save you, Kaoru-dono! I will be your knight in shining armor and defeat the terror that is attacking you! I will save you from death and you will be saved. I will eat a cookie so that I will have energy and I will use my Sakabatou to defeat Saito! I will---  
  
SAITO: Battousai! She's already dead.  
  
KENSHIN: NOOOOOOOOO! Why did the Hiten Mitserugi Style's super-duper-ultra- cool-awesome-radical-lightingfast-hyper-notslow speed fail me? Why is Kaoru- dono dead now? Why did I not get there in time? Was there a flaw in master's training? How could he have made such a horrible mistake in teaching me?  
  
IMALEFTY: Who says "radical" anymore?  
  
SAITO: Dunno.  
  
HIKO: * Runs into the room, an anger cross on his head * What are you talking about, baka deshi (stupid apprentice)?! I taught you everything that you needed to know. You just stood there talking too long! You really are stupid, aren't you?  
  
KENSHIN: * grins sheepishly * Whoops.  
  
SAITO: * If he was the oro-ing kind of guy, he would be oro-ing right now, but since he's not... * How stupid are you, Battousai? * sighs and takes out a cigarette *  
  
KIDS: Ooh! Smoking's bad for you!  
  
SAITO: Stupid kids. Didn't you read earlier that Kenshin turned the title into Smirking is Bad for You? I can smoke now. Ha ha ha.  
  
KIDS: Oh. So smoking's not that bad for you?  
  
SAITO: Sure. Go ahead. Smoke your little hearts out.  
  
KIDS: Cool!  
  
KENSHIN: Hey! That was not the moral of this fic! The point was that Smoking IS BAD for you!  
  
SAITO: I'm not dead yet, am I?  
  
KENSHIN: -_-; You will be for killing Kaoru-dono!  
  
SAITO: She's not dead, just sleeping!  
  
KENSHIN: Really?  
  
SAITO: Yup.  
  
KENSHIN: Good! Hey, you know, we should do more of these, that we should! We could do one about how bad drinking is for you-----  
  
HIKO: How bad? I'm not dead yet, and I drink at least a gallon or so a day!  
  
KENSHIN, SAITO, KIDS, AND DEAD KAORU: O_o;  
  
HIKO: What? I find it totally natural!  
  
SAITO: Okay...  
  
KENSHIN: Well... Kids, did you learn anything?  
  
KIDS: Yes! Women named Kaoru are scary, men named Hiko are egotistical and are obsessed with sake, men named Saito who change their names to Goro are evil, and uh... guys named Kenshin look like girls and like to say oro and are quite stupid at times.  
  
HIKO: Hey!  
  
KENSHIN: ORO?!  
  
DEAD KAORU: O_O I HEARD THAT!  
  
SAITO: Oh, you forgot one small thing.  
  
KIDS: Oh yeah! And guys named Sano are rooster-headed ahous who can't tell their heads from their butts!  
  
SAITO: Exactly!  
  
KENSHIN: What have you been teaching them?  
  
SAITO: Nothing really. Just the essentials!  
  
KENSHIN: Essentials, huh?  
  
KAORU: Can I stop being dead now, Shnookypoo?  
  
KENSHIN: Of course...  
  
SAITO: * sniggers *  
  
KENSHIN: What?  
  
SAITO: Oh, nothing, really. Just... the Battousai is called...  
  
SANO: * he too comes out of nowhere * Hey, what's wrong with funny names? I'm backing Kenshin up on this one!  
  
SAITO: Aren't you always backing up Battousai, ahou?  
  
SANO: Hey, I heard what you taught the kids! That wasn't nice about me! It made me want to cry!  
  
SAITO: Whatever. * puffs cigarette * Crybaby.  
  
IMALEFTY: I think we have enough filler conversation here...  
  
SAITO: Shut up, Imalefty! We don't need your help! We can take up as much of the readers' time as we want by saying random things!  
  
SANO: Yeah.  
  
SAITO: Bananas in pajamas come out of my nose at night.  
  
KENSHIN: Oro?????  
  
SAITO: O_o? What the heck? I wasn't going to say anything...  
  
IMALEFTY: Heh. Take that! :-P  
  
SAITO: -_-; That was not cool.  
  
SANO: * singing* Bananas! In pajamas! Are walking down the stairs!  
  
HIKO: Stop singing!  
  
SAITO: Please, ahou. Your voice is terrible.  
  
KENSHIN: Let's go home, Kaoru-dono. I want to work out my buns and thighs!  
  
SANO: Oh yeah! BUNS AND THIGHS!  
  
SAITO: Hey, Imalefty! Stop! This is getting.... Erm... troubling.  
  
IMALEFTY: ^_^ Oh the joy... Okay, I'll stop now. Hurry up and finish the story!  
  
KENSHIN: Right. Now... kiddies, what did we learn?  
  
KIDS: Women named Kaoru are scary, men named Hiko are egotistical and are obsessed with sake, men named Saito who change their names to Goro are evil, and uh... guys named Kenshin look like girls and like to say oro and are quite stupid at times and guys named Sano are rooster-headed ahous who can't tell their heads from their -------  
  
KENSHIN: Let's try that again. * holds up a poster board with bright red writing on it * Now, please read this.  
  
KIDS: * reading board * Smoking is really bad for you and it can ruin your life. The moral of the story is to never start smoking and Kenshin is a .  
  
KENSHIN, HIKO, SANO, KAORU AND IMALEFTY: ((O_O)) !!!!!!!!  
  
SAITO: ^_^ ... I mean... ((O_O))  
  
KIDS: What's that mean?  
  
IMALEFTY: Really, you don't need to know. I'll tell you when you're older... not... Saito! Why did you do that? I almost didn't bleep that one!  
  
SAITO: Hey, what makes you think it was me?  
  
IMALEFTY: -_-;  
  
KENSHIN: Do you really think that about me? Sniff... that wasn't nice! T_T...  
  
SAITO: The end.  
  
IMALEFTY: Hey, you don't get to say that! I do! I'M the almighty authoress! And that's the end, all!  
  
The End  
  
A/N: Wasn't that funny was it? Oh well... humor really isn't my thing. Heh... reviews are gratefully accepted.............. 


End file.
